With a soon-to-be 13 year old in the house, there have started to be some discussions about bedtimes.  On school nights, bedtime doesn’t tend to be an issue.  He is in bed at 8:30 but can read until 9:00, or later if he can’t sleep.  The 8-1/2 to 9 hours of sleep he receives seems to be enough, as he is ready to go in the morning, and he doesn’t mind this time.

However, the discussions have been based on weekend bedtimes.  With younger siblings, bedtimes are extended, and all are sent to bed at a later than school night bedtime.  And that is where the problem lies.  The typical argument is, “But I am the oldest!”

While this is true, the next two youngest are only 1 and 2 years younger than he.  However, both of them need more sleep than he does.  So, my husband and I have been pondering how to handle this situation.

With weekends being short, bedtime on those nights will be decided by us.  Just one very late night on a weekend can affect tiredness during the week.  However, to give him both responsibility and freedom, we are going to try something different in the summer.

Our plan simply is that he can choose his bedtime. . .with a catch or two.  He needs to choose a time that allows him to be productive the next day, and he can’t be so stubborn about staying up “late” that he falls asleep on the couch.  This will give him the freedom of deciding his own bedtime, but he will be responsible for the consequences.  If he doesn’t pay attention to the needs of his body and falls asleep on the couch, for the next week, we get to choose his bedtime.  Additionally, if we need to do something early the next morning and he has difficulty being ready, again we get to choose his bedtime for a week.

I am hopeful that this will be a win-win for both sides of the equation.  Our son will get to be in control of his bedtime, but we will have a supervisory role when needed.  It seems that it should be a winning solution, but only time will tell.

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The ability to share does not come innately to every child. To some children the act of sharing can be a big challenge. Sharing is a very important skill that can be learned from parents. You can help your child learn to share by creating as many opportunities for him to learn to play with others successfully.

My three year old son’s playmates often come to our house to play with him. I learned that one way to help avoid having fights is to have enough toys for everyone. My wife also sets up play activities that don’t depend on one toy. Play activities that involve lots of props that can be split among the children are very helpful. For example, we bought three sets of crayons, so that my son and his two playmates will never fight over one color of crayon when they have drawing activities. Having more than one of the same kind of toy car or truck also proves to be helpful in avoiding quarrels.

But the best way to teach our children sharing is not through having enough of everything for everyone but through the examples that we set. If we make a point of talking about and demonstrating sharing during our regular routines, our children will understand and learn sharing. If there is only one sandwich left, offer to split it with someone. To show our children that it is important to consider others, always use words like “please” and “thank you”. Almost every situation in our daily routine with our children can be transformed into an opportunity to show the importance of considering others and the beauty of sharing.

When fights with another child do happen, let your child understand his and his playmate’s feelings. Things as complex as putting one’s self in someone else’s shoes can be grasped by children as young as three or four, if we only know how to simplify it. If you help your child understand that when one little boy takes a toy from another little boy it is because he wants the toy for himself and not because he wants to hurt the feelings of the other boy, it will help.

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Observing other kids has helped me better understand the personality of my son. I have learned that little children have rather strong and pronounced personalities; it is not only my son, it is in almost every child. As a parent, the ability to read your child’s character is a must, you need it so that you can react in ways that would best suit your child’s personality.

There are at least three kinds of personalities I have observed in children. There are children who are flexible. They can adjust easily to changes and can keep fairly regular schedules. There are children who are not that fast to warm up to people. They are much quieter than other kids and more mild mannered. Some kids are full of animation, energy, and courage. These kids have strong emotions and are quite difficult to calm down when they are stirred up.

I have observed three kinds of personalities in young children, but I know that it is not only three. If you make your own observations, probably you can come up with more. As parents we must be positive all the time.  A three year old who insists on tying his shoe laces even if he obviously could not do it alone may be viewed as stubborn, but if you see it in a positive light, you will be proud of the child. Always viewing your child’s personality positively can help make a stronger child-parent relationship.

You may have seen some of yourself in your child or many that are not in you. Whatever you see, love and support always should be yours to give to your child.  If your child is not that quick to adjust to new situations, you must be there to help him warm up. If your child is feisty, you can show your support by allowing her to do things her way. You can keep an eye on her but make her feel that you trust that she can do things correctly her way.

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The Doubly Good December Contest has ended after an extension due to a tie for the most commented article.  Without further ado, prizes were awarded to:

Gumer Liston for most commented article

• “Books, Pictures, Stories, and Your Child” on Your Parenting Info

Sharyn Essman of FeeFiFoto Blog for randomly chosen comment on

• “What Did You Say You Wanted?” on Go Shopping Info

Congratulations to both!

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As most of you who are parents of college students know, it’s that time of year–FAFSA time. It is one of the most enjoyable times of the year; a time when you get to fill out tedious amounts of online paperwork, look over those taxes from the previous year (numbers that many of you probably never want to see) and actually start thinking about this year’s income and taxes. Well, maybe that’s a good thing–this will force you to start more than a few days before April 15th.

For those of you who do not know what this dreadful five letter acronym is…

FAFSA. The Free Application for Federal Student Aid. That’s right, it’s free, and you can earn aid from the government with this application but filling it out does take some time (especially if you aren’t organized or did not quite finish up last year’s taxes). With this form, the U.S. Department of Education determines your Expected Family Contribution (EFC) by conducting a “need analysis” based on financial information. This EFC is the amount of money the government thinks that your family should be able to pay. The government then processes your results and sends them to the universities you list. Many schools base the amount of financial aid that they offer to you on this EFC. Of course, there are more factors, such as government loans, that are involved in the financial aid process, but many schools subtract the EFC from the cost of attending the school in order to establish how much financial aid you will receive. You can receive aid in the form of scholarship money (you don’t have to pay this back, but you do have to keep your GPA up or play for a school’s sports team, etc.), grant money (do not have to pay back), or loans.

The government offers loans at fairly low interest rates. If you receive a federally subsidized loan, you will not be charged any interest before you begin repaying the loan because the federal government subsidizes the interest during this time. However, an unsubsidized loan does start accruing interest from the day you “activate” it.

There is a lot more to say about the FAFSA, but I strongly encourage you to talk to professionals about it. If you haven’t filled it out yet and you have a child in college, it’s available! Also, a great source that will “forecast” what your EFC will be is FAFSA4caster.

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