I thought the most exciting moment of my life would be the day I met my wife. Then I thought is was the day we were married and then the day we found out we were expecting. I was wrong. It was February 20, 2009. This was the day I saw the first glimpse of my child.
We went for an ultrasound and were able to see a jelly bean looking thing that was flickering at us. The technician explained to us what we were looking at right then. The mass of cells was our baby, and the flickering was the heart beating.
My wife and I were practically in tears seeing this miracle unfold before our very eyes. It is fair to say that I am not an emotional guy and yet this struck the strings of my heart. I can not imagine how anyone seeing this could think of this forming child as anything less than a crying, pooping, talcum powdered bundle of joy.
Honestly, I used to look at friends who would print these pictures out and show them off as weirdos. I was excited for them and understood the emotion of happiness and pride. There were even daydreams of the day I would be in their shoes. Never once did I think it would be so exciting to see a blurb on a computer screen. I was wrong again.
From that day forward my whole perspective on life has changed. My goals and priorities have shifted. My wife is going to be a fantastic mommy. She is gifted with deep compassion and natural instincts. I am not.
Knowing my weaknesses, I have spent hours reading websites and listening to audio books about parenting. I am a realist and know that book knowledge alone will not raise a child. Experience and knowledge are what create the wisdom needed.
Do any of you parents have suggestions for me? What are your tricks for deciding what principles to teach and raise them by? What if you and your spouse disagree in certain areas? What other tips (in general) can you offer a rookie?
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The circumstances surrounding a child as he grows up has a big influence on the formation of his character. My son is an only child; I know that he is growing up differently from other children who have siblings. Missing out on having siblings has both good and bad effects on him, so my wife and I see to it that we manage to maximize the good effects and reduce to the smallest possible amount the bad effects. Being the sole recipient of his parents’ love can create in our child a sense of self-importance which will build his self confidence, that is why we show him always in many different ways that we love him. This is good for him.
It is a known fact that only children usually come out as very confident and socially secure individuals. This is because they get the chance to socialize around adults, and most of the time they are treated as adults. Many only children talk very early and may appear both verbally and socially advanced because the absence of other children forces them to imitate their parents. My wife and I see these things in our son, and we know that his unusual social poise is giving him a head start in dealing with the adult social world.
But there is a downside to being the only child. An only child misses out on the things that should come naturally to children. These things are necessary to complete the process of emotional maturity. When a child misses out on companionship with siblings, sibling rivalry, conflict, and play at home, he can grow up not having a good enough degree of emotional maturity. Emotional maturity is born out of the hard experiences in life. If a child is not exposed to the push and shove of sibling life, chances are that he’ll be lacking in emotional intelligence later. It is here that the parents should strive to see to it that the necessary hard experiences in life will be filled. It is natural for parents of only children to be overprotective of their child’s feelings, but it should be avoided because this can hinder emotional growth. The more parents become protective of their only child, the more the child becomes vulnerable.
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In many families, the oldest sibling generally deals with the strictest rules, which is natural because parents can be uncertain which liberties should be granted to their children. As a younger sibling, I have reaped the benefits of this phenomenon: when my older sister started receiving allowance I did, too, at the same time. While I should not complain about how this worked out, I realize it is unfair to the older sibling and that maybe inconsistency is something parents should be wary about.
Allowance is definitely a common inconsistency that easily can be avoided. When you starting giving allowance to your oldest child, it might be wise to mark his/her age and the amount he/she is given. To be fair, any younger children should not be given allowance until this same age. Of course, there can be circumstances in which being consistent simply is not logical. If, for instance, you were not financially able to give an allowance but now are, this might be an appropriate reason to give allowance at an earlier age to one child. However, you should consider starting the older sibling on a higher allowance to “make up for lost time.”
Yet, it is also possible that the younger child, in your opinion, has deserved an equal allowance at an earlier age. Perhaps they do more chores, get better grades, or simply have better manners. Whatever the case, coming from the perspective of a teen, I urge you to have a reasonable explanation for the difference. If not, be consistent!
The same applies to bedtimes, but this is more susceptible to case by case issues. It may be difficult to get a younger child to sleep if the rest of the house is still bustling with noise; it is essential to be fair here not just for consistency but for the sake of the younger child who needs the sleep. However, studies have shown that most children, including teens, do not get enough sleep as it is, so maybe it is time for all of the children to have an earlier bedtime! (This might not go over well with a child. A more reasonable suggestion would be to enforce a “quiet time” in which the older sibling does not have to go to bed but be relatively quiet.)
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Sixteen is the legal driving age in many states. This is probably one of the biggest periods that parents dread when it comes to their children’s lives.
A vehicle is often considered a toy by some, when in reality it is more like a couple thousand pound weapon.
So, how do you teach a teenager to respect the power of an automotive? How do you teach them to understand what exactly can happen if they are not careful while driving?
One of the best ways to start is to make them work for her own car or truck. While in some cases this may seem cruel, it will ensure your teenager understands both the value of money and the value of her car. That means she will be less likely to treat it poorly, especially if she had to spend her hard earned dollars on it.
A way to ensure your teenager understands the dangers of driving is to encourage him to watch one of the many informational drunk driving videos. It is very important to explain to him the same things can happen even when one is not under the influence of alcohol, but is busy texting on a cell phone or listening to loud music, etc.
Rules should be set on reasonable driving times for your teenager. It is much more dangerous for younger and inexperienced drivers to be out late. Obviously there are laws for those few teenagers with driving permits, but permits also require a responsible driver over 21 in the car.
Make sure your teenager respects her vehicle before she hits the roads, and she will be much less likely to get herself in a bad situation.
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The beliefs and values that we build early in our children are the strongest determinants of their character. It is very important to be aware of what kind of values we build in them in their early years. Children learn beliefs and values at home. But it is not only at home that they learn their values, they also learn it in school, from their teachers, and from what they see in other children. Mass media is also a very strong influence in today’s children; it is so strong that it can override other values. It is our duty as parents to build good values in our children that cannot be counteracted easily by outside factors.
We parents have a head start when it comes to establishing values in our children because we are our children’s first influences. But many parents fail in this area because they are not completely aware of what they show to their children. The things that we do that our children see are stronger than what we tell them. If your children see that you involve yourself in community activities, they likely will develop a willingness to make a positive difference in society. When they see that you care for the environment, they will grow up caring for it, too. The simple act of properly disposing your garbage can speak volumes to your children. When your children see that you follow traffic rules, they most likely will grow up into law-abiding citizens.
There are many things that we can show our children that can help build good values. It is important to start building these values as early as and as strongly as possible. Being aware of what we show our children is one very good way to successful parenting. Parenting is not just about raising children, it is about building character.
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