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How to Communicate with Your Teen — By A Teen

by Sam P. | October 17th, 2014 | Communication, Teen Perspective, Teens

teenager-445433_1280I love my mom, but when we argue I sometimes feel like she isn’t hearing what I say.  Being a 16-year-old girl oftentimes it may just be me overreacting about a stupid boy, or having the typical teenage reaction when life doesn’t always go my way, but sometimes I feel like my mom doesn’t understand me.  She always says, “I was a teenager too I know what you’re going through” but a lot of times I feel like she doesn’t.  Now most of the time the advice my mom gives me ends up being right, but I still wish she could be more understanding sometimes.  I know I’m not the only one that feels this way so here’s advice, from a teen, on what we think could help us keep our cool in arguments.

The most important thing, I feel, is to really listen to us when we talk.  If we say the class we are taking is really hard, or that it really was a difficult pop quiz we didn’t know we were having, to actually listen to us and understand that the classes we are taking really are tough for us.  And especially please don’t go on a rant about how students who get B-‘s in classes shouldn’t be going to college and don’t deserve to be in an honors course.  Mom, I’m in an honors course because I’ve never gotten a B- before and believe me, I’m just as upset as you, so please don’t go telling me I’m disappointing you and I don’t deserve to go to college, it will only make me feel worse and probably cause more frustration, which will only cause miscommunication.

Another thing is to understand is that I am a teenage girl and I will get upset and frustrated over stupid things.  When this happens the best thing for you to do is let me get all my frustration out, and if it happens to be by ranting to you, understand that I’m not mad at you, I’m probably mad at the situation and myself and now I need your help to fix it.  Please don’t get mad at me and send me to my room, just listen and understand that this is more of a cry for help than me being mad at you.  If anything, please be glad that I’m coming to you with my problems instead of my friends, especially when their advice will probably just make things even more difficult.

Lastly, understand that I really do love you and sometimes a girl just needs her mom.  When I’m all worked up and angry over a stupid boy it probably isn’t the time to lecture me about how he’s just a boy and there are plenty more out there and if he’s dating your best friend she probably wasn’t a good friend to begin with, it’s the time to hold me and let me cry to you.  And when I’m all out of tears, watch a movie with me or bake with me, just spend time with me because I don’t want to be alone right now and all I want is my mom.

  1. Michele says:

    A few pieces of feedback, as a mom.
    1. Do you always make excuses for your grades? Maybe that is why your mom seems frustrated. If it always is someone else’s fault, she, too, might be frustrated.
    2. If your mom should just let you vent, do you take the time to thank her for just listening?
    3. You make valid points. I hope you have taken the time to talk to your mom. She needs to know how you feel.

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