Your Parenting Info Sign Up

Teen’s Perspective on Communication with Parents

by Sam P. | July 24th, 2015 | Teen Perspective, Teens

mom and daughter (400x400)As teens, we often may end up talking at our parents instead of to them, especially when we do not get what we want.  Believe me, this is never the way to go.  Effective communication is just as much about, if not more, listening than talking.  It may help in the long run.  You have to be sure your parent or guardian knows that you are listening to their concerns and you understand why they feel the way they do.

Let’s say you want to stay out an hour past curfew.  First, explain to your parent in a polite way what you want to do, and why.  Keep it simple, “Hey Dad, Susie is having a bonfire and I would like to stay until 11:30 instead of 10:30, would this be possible?”  You have to be polite when talking with parents.  For a father like mine who seems to not trust you, despite you not giving him reasons for this lack of trust, I find an overload of information helps: who is going to be there, where you are going, and approximate play by play of the night, etc.  This way he can’t claim you are being secretive and not telling him everything that will be going on, because you just did.

Next, listen to what they have to say.  Just because they are immediately starting with no, doesn’t mean all hope is lost.  Listen to why they are saying no, and then see where you can go from there.  “How can I know you will actually be there all night long?”  You can then respond by telling them that they can either talking to Susie’s parents, or that you will tell them if you leave and where you are going (who’s driving and all that fun stuff), or that you can send a photo of you and your friends at Susie’s every hour to half hour.  If your parent says, “I am worried that will be too late and you will be too tired to drive”, you have two options.  You can tell your parent or guardian that you promise you will leave if you are tired, which they may or may not believe, or you can offer to just crash at Susie’s, which again may or may not work.

Of course, just because you listen doesn’t mean you get what you want, some parents are just stubborn and stuck in their ways, so much so that you have a ten or ten thirty curfew despite being a senior in high school and it being summer.  But, in the long run, listening is very effective and may get your parents to extend your curfew, or consider what else you are asking.  And as a word to the wise, coming home a few minutes early may help a lot with the trust.

Comments on Teen’s Perspective on Communication with Parents