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Solution: The Non-Driver

by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil | April 5th, 2013 | Parenting Predicament

mom in carMy son is 19 and shows no interest in getting a driver’s license. He’s failed the written test a couple of times and doesn’t want to talk about how to do better. He gets around fine on public transit, but sometimes I have to chauffeur him somewhere, and I feel like I shouldn’t have to at his age.

This is a cry out of  “I need you, I can’t let go, I can’t separate from you, I need todepend on you. I’m fearful of being independent and leaving you. I need you to take care of me.”

At this vulnerable age, still a teenager, not a grownup, he teeters on “If I grow up, I’ll be forgotten. It’s my chance to get time with you( like I always wished I could ).”

What’s going on in his life that he is vulnerable and needs to be taken care of. When you are chauffeuring him around use that as relationship time. Instead of shaming, ask him what he’s afraid of or what’s bothering him. Ask him if he got enough attention, maybe in the shadow of a younger sibling? Talk to him about his separation anxiety. Ask him if a friend had a car accident or if he fears something will happen to him – he’ll lose control? Was there a recent death
in the family or circle of friends? Something he is worried about displaced on the driving? Is he
realizing his mortality leaving his teenage years?

Give him extra tlc, and go for family therapy and spend time in the car getting reconnected- he’s telling you he needs you ! Greatest compliment a mother can have ! What a mother’s day gift.

Then he’ll learn how to drive after gets the attention and through therapy works through his fear with you helping and his dependence on you!

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