But don’t despair if you are the parent of a newly minted teenager. Here’s why.

Maybe you noticed in the sentences I wrote above, I carefully selected the word “seem?” It just seems as if teens shut out parents; it seems as if they don’t listen to a parent’s opinions….get it? It’s all a façade, an act. Most teens still love and respect their parents. They still care what you think! In secret, they continue to like your jokes too.

In past posts, I’ve asked you to think back to your own youth. If you do this, you will understand the mind of your own teenager better. For example, when I was a teen, I vividly remember the struggle between wanting independence and fearing it at the same time. Learning to drive, taking college prep courses, and dating all provided me with ways to move towards the day I would have to leave my parents.

See? In many little ways, your own teen is working towards the day when he or she will fly the nest. They MUST learn to safely break away from you in order to become adults. By pretending that you are “lame,” and that you don’t know anything, they can assert independence in a safe manner.

This unique dynamic does present challenges, as it may SEEM as if your teen does not listen to you, but he or she does listen. That is why you still need to guide your child. According to WebMD, a parent must discuss important issues…“whether it’s drugs, driving, or premarital sex, your kids need to know the worst that could happen.”

Also, continue to share your day with your child, and wait patiently for him or her to share with you. It may not be right away, but your son or daughter will let you know what is going on, if you will just relax and give him or her a chance.

Another helpful piece of advice – refrain from embarrassing your child on purpose. Sometimes a parent with hurt feelings (from seemingly being left out of a child’s life) will do something silly just to make the teen mad. Actions such as kissing him or her in front of friends at school, or breaking into song at the dinner table when friends are present, will only backfire on you.

Take heart. The teen years do come to an end, and once on the “other side,” your child will return to the open person you once knew. Keep in mind that it’s not you causing a teen to seemingly withdraw; it’s a natural part of growing up…a necessary step on your child’s journey to adulthood.

In order to succeed in school, a student needs to be able to communicate effectively. I have had a number of students who could express themselves verbally – they were dynamic and confident; however, when it came to reading assignments for class or to writing an actual essay, these same students floundered. They simply had low levels of reading comprehension and poor writing skills.

To stop this from happening to your child, you need to continue to support him or her with developing reading and writing skills. Even if you do not consider yourself a writer, you can still encourage your son or daughter to take English composition seriously.

First, as they grow, continue to give books to your child as gifts. Even if your daughter only loves baseball, supply her with a biography about the baseball players she loves. Or if your son prefers guitars to “the classics,” make an effort to locate a book on music that may appeal to him. The key is to prompt your child to read as much as he or she can. Yes, reading the classics would be wonderful, but even a subscription to Sports Illustrated (if read regularly), will assist with developing reading skills.

Next, make sure your child knows that effective writing has value in our society. For instance, knowing how to write an excellent cover letter can lead to a job interview – which can lead to a job. Discuss with your child how you use different types of writing yourself – from personal uses such a letters to the newspaper editor, to job-related duties, such as year-end reports.

Another way to keep writing fun for teens is to give them opportunities to enter writing contests. There are essay contests, poetry contests, and even fiction writing contests offered all the time. Many local community groups sponsor essay contests that offer cash prizes. If you see one of these opportunities advertised, challenge your child to enter.

You can also take your child to poetry and fiction readings. Libraries and coffee shops offer these events across the country, usually free of charge. The last reading I took my children to was given by the Poet Laureate of the United States at the time, Billy Collins. Needless to say, my kids enjoyed his poems immensely, and we even talked to him a bit.

A final step you can take to make sure your child can read and write effectively is – stay in touch with what is going on in his or her English classes at school. Read the essays that he or she writes. Ask about what books they are reading. Be involved in order to keep your child’s skills growing!

In the past years, New Year’s Eve has had one of the highest pregnancy rates.  By that I mean that it is one of the likeliest days that women get pregnant.  Women and girls forget all the prepping they have gotten on having safe sex.  They completely forget to use condoms and, a fair amount of the time, they forget to take their birth control.  Which is very terrible because if it is not taken every single day, at almost the exact same time, it is very unlikely to work as well as if you did do that.  If you skip one day of birth control, the chances of pregnancy go from about 2% to about 25%.

Alcohol poisoning.  New Year’s Eve is one of the worst nights for alcohol poisoning.  All the miserable, lonely, single people who think this day is worthless because they are alone go to the bars and drink until they can’t see straight.  They then start feeling queasy so they go to the bathroom.  Where they then pass out and self-asphyxiate on their own vomit.  Do you realize how few people actually realize they are choking and wake up, just barely saving themselves from death?  Very few people.

Also, driving while under the influence.  That too is very dangerous.  Not only can you injure yourself, you can hurt the people around you and the people around you that you don’t know.  It is so dangerous to drive while intoxicated.  Not to mention illegal.

Now, I don’t want to end on a sad note.  So to sum up this “lecture” on the dangers of New Year’s Eve. I want to tell you that this night isn’t all dangers, it is also filled with good natured, loving fun.  Here is my advice, stay home and surround yourself with friends.  And if you are under 21 don’t drink, it is dangerous and illegal.  So as long as you are careful, enjoy yourself.  As a teenager I love this night, it is one of my favorite holidays.  And that is because I follow my own advice.

• Do thy homework.  I know homework sucks.  I hate doing homework myself.  The fact of the matter is that even though it sucks, you still have to do it.  There are loads of people who do not like doing regular tasks like cleaning.  That is no reason to live in a filthy house.  Depending on the class you are taking, homework may be an important part of your grade.
• Find out what the rules are.  I have several classes where my homework counts for zero percent of my grade.  In other words, you do not have to do it.  That doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter though .  Often, teachers will have open note tests with the exact questions from the homework  — to see who did the homework.  Also, at my school, in order to get a retake for a test, you must have done all homework for the section or chapter.
• Get it done when and how you want to.  I know that teachers are constantly advocating that homework should be done at home.  Well, that’s a load of bull.  If we are handed a paper before or during a lecture, I do it right there in class.  I do almost half my homework in my study hall and I even do some before school after the bus drops me off.  Also, procrastination is okay to some degree.  I don’t think many people want to come home from school and immediately begin to do homework.  Between sports and procrastination, I don’t always start until 8 p.m.  But it gets done.

It doesn’t matter when or where you do your homework, as long as it is done well and on time.  That’s the moral of the story.  Because the teachers only care about the end product, not the means used to make it.

Life happens, and we age. Our problems become bigger. We have mortgages to pay, jobs to keep, illnesses to recover from, and then — children to take care of. Our former lives as teenagers seem so simple in comparison to what we go through as parents.

But, this does not mean that when your teenager approaches you with his or her problems, that you should respond by saying how easy they have it or that the problem is trivial. This will only push your son or daughter away from you.

I sometimes wonder if parents who say, “My teen won’t talk to me,” have inadvertently shut the communication process down, in part, because of their reaction to teen problems. Would you want to talk about an important issue with someone who tells you that it’s small and unimportant?

What parents of pre-teens and teens need to do in order to really be there for their children is listen in a non-judgmental way. Really hear what your child says – with your full attention and with empathy. Push yourself to remember how hard being a teenager really is…the fears, the heartache, and the hormones, all of it!

Another thing to remember pertains to listening to topics that make you uncomfortable. If you really want to make sure your son or daughter doesn’t experiment with sex or drugs, be prepared to listen to them when they discuss these touchy subjects. I understand that the fact that your child is growing up may be difficult to accept, yet growth has always been inevitable; share in this fabulous journey with your child.

Finally, be prepared to interact with your child when he or she feels ready to talk. It may be an inconvenient time for you, but the benefit of being available whenever your son or daughter needs you is that it sends a clear message – you can be counted on.

Again, I ask you to think back to your own teen years. Did you enjoy a close relationship with your own mom and dad, or did you have to keep things bottled up because you felt your parents just wouldn’t understand? Don’t you want things to be different for your child if your parents were aloof?

So, next time your teen laments over a failed test, a less than perfect first kiss, or even problem split ends, remind yourself that those seemingly trivial issues are major concerns to him or her. Build your relationship by acknowledging this important fact.

First of all, you have to remember that your height is completely out of anyone’s control.  The genetics you are born with are currently unchangeable and will determine your height, so what you get is what you are stuck with.

Next, don’t take the percentages that height and weight are entered into at the doctor’s too seriously.  First off all, they are based on where kids at an age should be, not where the spread of kids that age actually falls.  I am in the 60th percentile at 160, but I go to school with kids who are at least 100 pounds more than me, meaning they are off the charts.  Until my sister turned 12, she was below the 1st percentile, yet she wasn’t always the shortest kid in her class.  The same should be considered about the BMI chart.  If you are a muscular individual, you may be marked as obese on it because you have muscle mass.

The height of your relatives can be considered, but it doesn’t necessarily mean anything.  Some kids may grow to be taller or shorter than their family, although most are similar to at least one relative.  I am probably going to be about the same size as my mom’s brothers, or even a bit taller.  Also, don’t rely on height calculators, because most base it on the size of your parents.  For example, all the ones I tried out said I should be 5’6″ or 5’7″, but I am 5’10″ and only 15.

Finally, remember that everyone will grow at a different rate.  As a general rule, girls finish at around 15 and boys finish growing around 18, but this is not necessarily true.  Men can continue to grow into their 20s.

Every kid cares about how large they are, but they shouldn’t worry.  Simply put, it is out of their hands and many forms of estimation are inaccurate.  It will be what it will be.

(Graphic: CDC)

But I chose to write this post anyways, as I do know one thing for certain – parents want what is best for their teenager, and their picture of health and happiness does not include sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) and unwanted pregnancy.

As the parent of three children, I know the importance of encouraging teens to wait as long as possible before engaging in any form of sexual behavior. We all know that sexual activity leads to both emotional and physical consequences. And as a health educator (for 20 years), I also realize the negative health effects of beginning to engage in sexual intercourse too early.

So, what is a parent of a teenager to do when it comes to this tricky subject? I will share what has worked for me.

First, open communication reigns supreme. From the time my three children were little, they have felt safe when discussing any subject with me. Did this take willpower and strength on my part? Yes! Yet the benefits of open communication have paid off in the long run. My kids tell me everything that goes on in their lives, everything from first crushes to first kisses. Basically, if your child feels safe telling you details, then he or she will come to you with questions about sex. This provides the perfect opportunity to discuss sensitive subjects in an open and honest fashion.

Next, share stories of your own teen years. No, you don’t have to tell your child all about your first sexual experience, but you do have to share the emotional roller coaster you went through as a teen. Think back…remember how hard it was to “fit in?” When you let your teen know that you wrestled with this complicated issue as well, you seem more relateable.

Another step to take is providing education on the topic of sex for your child. I know that this area is a touchy one for many parents. Some argue that if you give your child too much information, then you are encouraging him or her to do the very act you are discussing. After being in the health field for two decades, I know firsthand that this is not the case. When you educate a child, you are giving him or her the necessary tools to evaluate a situation in an effective manner. If your teen knows the consequences of sexual activity, they will be less likely to engage in such behavior.

A final way to prevent teen STI’s and pregnancy concerns behavior of your child’s friends. If you see their friends engaging in risky behavior…speak up! Let your child know you do not approve of this kind of activity!

• What is the point of Halloween?  It makes no sense to me.  I understand what All Hallows Day is, but how does that relate to walking from door to door asking people for candy?  I really just don’t get the point of it.
• I have always thought it should be done on Saturday evenings.  My town does it on the night of Halloween, which is absolutely dumb.  That means that if Halloween is on a school night, young kids are either out late on school nights or they are not getting to trick or treat for very long.  There is no reason that kids under the age of, say, eight, should be walking around on the streets until 8 P.M. on a school night.  At the same time, it shouldn’t be done in afternoons, like some towns.  Older kids, like “tweens” don’t want to trick or treat in the afternoon.
• I believe that some parents take Halloween way too seriously.  I know families who drive from neighborhood to neighborhood all Halloween night long.  That is pointless.  If you live in a small neighborhood, drive to a larger one.  But there is no reason to continue going to other neighborhoods after you have finished in yours.  First of all, you are taking advantage of people’s kindness.  People shouldn’t have to buy 20 bags of candy because the whole town visits them, that is just unfair.  Secondly, there is no need for that much candy.  What kid needs a pillow case filled to the brim with candy?  That is how kids get obese.  I usually end up throwing a portion of my candy out anyway.

Halloween may be a fun institution, but it is a flawed one too.  Many aspects of it could be improved.  Most importantly, have fun on Halloween without taking it too seriously — and the day after, try to keep candy consumption to a reasonable level.

• Do not immediately go to the doctor.  I know this defies a lot of common sense, but there is a good reason for it.  Most high schools, such as my own, keep an athletic trainer on staff.  If there is one, the coaches will instruct the athlete to visit him first, not the doctor.  If you visit a doctor first, he will fix the injury, but will also prevent the athlete from playing for a set period of time.  If you visit the trainer instead, he will assess the injury and fix it or redirect you to a doctor.  Last winter, I sprained my wrist.  I went to the doctor because my coaches instructed me to.  I was only sent there because I needed X-Rays because it appeared broken.  Visit the doctor only if the trainer or coaches instruct the athlete to, or if there is no other option.
• Don’t overreact.  I know this is simple and shouldn’t be necessary, but it has to be said.  There are athletes I know who have parents who overreact.  They freak out at the the first sign of an injury and try to get them to take a day or two off or go to a doctor.  Stay calm, because teenagers are like bouncy balls.  We recover really quickly.  Also, don’t baby injuries or over-sympathize.  It’s one thing to feel bad for your child, it’s another to treat them like they are dying and freak out.
• Keep certain items around the house.  It is important to have certain simple things in order to treat injuries.  You should keep: a lot of ice cubes or ice packs, hot packs, medical tape, gauze, bags for the ice, and pain medicine.  It would also be helpful to have a sling, wrist brace, and ankle brace around, but not necessary.  All of these can help in simple, at-home injury treatment.

If your teen is a high school athlete, he/she will probably get injured at least once in their high school career.  So, when they get hurt, feel free to keep these tips in mind.

Facebook is completely unnecessary.  You see your friends all day long at school;  if you want to talk to them you can call them or text them or go over their house.  Why do you need to know what people are doing 24/7?  I mean, did I really need to know that your dog was sitting on you or that you pulled an all-nighter? If I wanted to know what you were doing or how you were, I would ask you. Also it is a HUGE safety issue.  A little while back a girl posted on Facebook about a party she was having and forgot to check her settings.  Fifteen hundred people showed up and quite a few people got hurt.  To read more about this click here.   Nonetheless, it is stupid mistakes like that that make people think that Facebook is a pointless thing that is completely unnecessary and dangerous.

But at the same time, that was just an accident.  Her settings must have gotten switched by accident, so it wasn’t her fault.  Well, it was, but it was accidental.  Facebook is a great way to get to know people that you may not have normally talked to at school.  And, not everybody has a phone, so that’s another way to talk to your friends.  Or if a friend moves and doesn’t have a phone, again you can talk to her through Facebook.  When used with responsibility, Facebook isn’t that dangerous.  If you are smart about what you do and what you post,  it really isn’t dangerous at all.  If you make sure you keep your settings on what you should (I keep it on friends of friends which means my friends and their friends can see my post and page), it becomes very easy and safe..  You just have to be intelligent about what you do on Facebook.  If you are going around swearing and acting inappropriately, posting pictures of yourself making out with your girlfriend, you will get a reputation and it won’t be a good one.  As I said before, you have to be wise with your postings.

I, personally, actually think Facebook is a great invention that does have its flaws just like any other invention — which is why you have to be wise about what you do, just like in life.