My ten-year-old son is a fearless public speaker.  He’ll get up in front of a crowd, any crowd, and speak.  Or sing.  Or play his trumpet.  Or pretty much anything you ask him to do.  He’ll hop up on stage with precious little preparation, without the slightest sign of nerves.

So recently I set out to discover why, be it nature or nurture,  Max is so at ease on the stage.  His mother, my lovely wife, is a rambler.  Give her a microphone and she’ll go on well beyond the point she meant to make.  But she’s a tremendous singer who has spent a lot of time on stage.  I speak frequently, but I still get nervous in front of a crowd of more than about 25 or so.  Despite my nerves, I do find myself speaking in front of a crowd fairly often – occupational hazard.

After some reflection, I think I have decoded the accidental formula that led to his fortuitous speaking ability.  I share it here in hopes that it may help others more intentionally develop this trait in their children.

Step One: Do some public speaking of your own.  We all know that children learn a whole lot more from what they see us do than what we tell them to do.  Because I have to speak in front of crowds from time to time, Max sees it as just another part of adult life.

Step Two: Start them early.  Because of our work with youths, my lovely wife and I are often throwing together talent shows or promotional videos or assorted skits.  And we often find ourselves a character short.  So from an early age we’ve been drafting Max into one role or another in front of people.

Step Three: Offer plenty of encouragement.  This applies to just about anything that you want you children to learn.  Positive reinforcement is a huge deal to children.  You are his or her hero.  Your approval means more to a young child than all the accolades and toys and chocolate bars in the world.

Given the small sample size, I can’t offer much in the way of guaranteed results.  But if you follow these few steps you will surely improve your child’s chances of become a confident and skilled public speaker.

Some days I question that wisdom. It’s hard work. It sucks up all my free time. There are days when I wonder if it’s worth it. Would it be better to let the boys stand on their own with an impartial coach (or more realistically, a coach who is partial to his son and not mine)?

Then a day like last Saturday comes along and I know I’m doing the right thing. Saturday both my five year-old and my ten year-old found themselves in exactly the same position. Playing quarterback, near the goal line, and Coach Dad called a play that just wasn’t going to get the job done. In the case of the older boy, the defense read the play and had the receiver blanketed. In the case of the younger, the intended receiver lost interest and wandered off toward his mommy (oh, the joys of coaching the 4-6 year old set).

In both cases, my son saw a better option, took it, and threw a touchdown pass (the first ever for the five-year-old). There is a point I’m going for besides just using this column as a platform to brag on my boys. There is something representative of our whole parenting journey in the way they took everything that I’ve taught them and stepped out on their own to make their own decisions. We can prepare them for the decisions that they will face in life. We can teach them right from wrong and give them the guidelines and parameters they will need. But at some point we need to step out of the huddle and let them be their own person.

Apparently the 11 Things list that re-circulates every year or so is an abbreviated / altered version of 50 Rules Kids Won’t Learn in School by author and supporter of educational reform Charles J. Sykes in 1996.

Regardless of whether these truths were issued by a billionaire computer mogul or a little-known education reformer, there’s some good stuff in here. Over the next two posts we’ll take a look at the 11 Rules that survived Sykes’ original 50. The first four are below, with just enough added commentary to make this analysis and not plagiarism.

Rule 1: Life is not fair – get used to it!
It’s coded in our DNA – kids have to complain about things being unfair just like parents have to respond with “life isn’t fair”. There’s just no avoiding it.

Rule 2: The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Our children’s healthy self-esteem is so important to us. And it should be. Kids who are constantly beaten down will become beaten-down adults. But we’ve got to be careful not to go overboard. A healthy self-esteem isn’t the same as thinking that the world revolves around you.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice president with a car phone until you earn both.
For the record, that was $60,000 in 1996 dollars but it still holds true today, with no embellishment required. Every generation hopes to do better than the one before it. For most of American history, that has been an achievable goal. But in recent decades it seems like an increasing percentage of kids expect to have everything their parents worked their whole lives for -– as soon as they graduate college.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
‘Nuff said.

Come back in two weeks for part 2.

If you’ve got an elementary or junior high school student, you probably have a similar list of obligations. How do you prioritize among them? School work comes first. That one’s easy. I think we can all agree that the extra-curricular activities fall in line behind the required school curriculum. There can be no sports, music, or other activities if the homework isn’t getting done. But beyond that, what’s the pecking order?

We recently had to opt out of chess club tournament play because it conflicted with football. Not that we necessarily prioritized football over chess. It really was just a matter of first come, first served. Or at least first commitment made, first commitment honored. Piano lessons we pay for monthly, so we have to pay whether he goes or not on a particular week. But drama club is working toward a particular goal – the performance – so that should come first, right? Unless you consider the piano recital on the same level as the play.

The best offense is a good defense. The best way to tackle the problem of prioritizing your elementary student’s obligations is to ensure that you don’t over-commit your child. This can be tough as it requires some advance planning. If chorus is the most important activity for your family, don’t let yourself get caught in a bind just because signups take place three weeks after signups for soccer, guitar lessons, and art class.

Involve your child in prioritizing which activities you’ll sign up for. Beware of the immediacy syndrome from which most elementary students suffer. Children of this age group have a strong tendency to attach the highest importance to whatever activity is right now in front of them without proper perspective on the registration that opens two weeks from now. Careful planning at the start of the school year will help you avoid activity overload down the road.

While it is geared toward three years of age, it is actually more for kids who already have some capacity to read, have more than a 30-second attention span, and who will find the games interesting. In other words, a three-year-old will find this toy less interesting than a box. The reason is that the three-year-old won’t understand most of the games that are available.

The screen is very small. For the most part, it can only handle three-letter words and about ten small shapes. Apparently, the decoration was more important than the screen. But that’s not the only problem. Everything is black on grey, black type against a grey background. It will need light if you want your child to see it.

The other problem that specifically parents will have is with the music. The music is annoying. Turning it on is an assault on the ears. Nor does it shut off without saying that high-pitched message that takes way too long to say. The music can be turned off, but only after the toy has been powered up.

Sure, there are eight games on it that your child can choose from. These are number, alphabet and shape games, but the games themselves come with very little direction on how to play. This is why a child of three will quickly ditch this toy. They are also limited in the number of words. Number games tend to repeat the same numbers before moving on.

Clearly, this toy was designed more for little girls who have a fascination with princesses rather than as any real type of learning tool. It is severely limited by its small screen, black and white display, and limited games.

Don’t waste your money on purchasing this for your child. By the time they can play it, they will already have learned their numbers and letters. The price –  at about 20 dollars — is too high for such a cheap toy.

The Vtech Kidizoom cameras are designed with really one thought in mind. The thick plastic coating protects the camera from just about anything your kid can do to it. It still takes pictures after being dropped, immersed in water, or enduring a day of decorative play. This is the biggest plus to the camera.

Additionally, these cameras provide a few games and optional decorative backgrounds for picture-taking.

They are easy for children to use with the basic point and click method.

For parents, there is a very convenient delete button available for those pictures that you aren’t quite sure what they are and for those very unflattering pictures that should never see daylight again.

These cameras also come with a USB cord that you can attach directly into the computer and download all the creative pictures taken.

The biggest parental complaint with these cameras is the picture quality. In short, it isn’t that great. Movement shots tend to be very fuzzy. The camera is definitely on the low end of the digital spectrum. While some fixes can be made after the pictures transition to the computer, not all of them will be salvageable. But most kids don’t care about having  the best looking pictures; all that really matters is that they took the picture.

If you are looking to buy one of these, the best age to get started is around four when kids understand what buttons to push and understand when not to use the flash.

The cameras have come down in price a little, but expect to pay around $40 or more depending on the  store. You can also get them online. However, start looking for sales now if you intend to purchase this item for Christmas. There are some sales but they tend to be very rare.

Overall, this toy gets high marks for entertainment and durability, but draws low marks for the picture quality.

I’m thrilled that our son prefers to listen to the Christian pop station in our area. That’s his choice, and I fully support it. But should he have a finger on the pulse of popular culture? Does it matter if he knows who Lady Gaga is or what happened to Amy Winehouse? I know that there is a danger of going too far in the isolationist direction. I’ve known homeschooled children who were so distant from the pop culture that they simply could not relate to their peers. I don’t want that.

I also don’t want an ‘average’ kid who is a slave to the latest trend. There’s definitely a middle ground here. Like most aspects of parenting, the level of cultural immersion is a matter of striking the right balance.

Children, like adults, need convictions. They need to know who they are and what they value. If they don’t have a core set of beliefs, there is nothing to anchor them when the inevitable peer pressure comes about. A little pop culture isn’t necessarily a bad thing. A well-rounded individual gathers a fair amount of knowledge beyond their personal experience. Most adults know the endings of Citizen Kane, The Empire Strikes Back, and Soylent Green even if they’ve never seen the movies. (If you haven’t seen all three movies, I suggest you go to your local video store – if it hasn’t already gone out of business – and rent them immediately, but that’s beside the point).

If our children are secure in their own identity, they are less susceptible to the dictates of their peers. Children who are grounded in who they are will avoid either extreme – they won’t be lead astray by their peers nor will they suffer greatly for being their own individual.

Paper dolls started out relatively modestly. They were a creative and cheap way to give girls a plaything. The decked-out dolls of the time were out of reach for many parents. But these paper dolls offered a versatility that a regular doll couldn’t. The girls could change their clothes or make a new doll simply by cutting out new paper.

Today’s paper dolls are a lot sturdier than the ones of the past. This is because many of the dolls are made out of a cardboard-like material. There are still some that are made strictly out of paper.

The cardboard cutouts are a little more expensive than the paper ones. But for a toy, they are not very pricey. Plus, girls can create new clothes for their doll with paper that is already on-hand. It is a simple craft project that evokes their imagination.

Aside from the changing clothes, which is the major attraction, they will fit into most dollhouses. However, they really aren’t that good at sitting. But there is a way to make them stand up with a little bit of creative thinking.

The main problem with paper dolls is they aren’t very durable. Even the cardboard ones won’t stand up really well to getting wet. Tea time can spell disaster for these dolls. But replacing them usually isn’t that much of a cost.

Playing with paper dolls brings out a girl’s imagination. They have the freedom to change their doll’s clothes on a whim or bring out their creativity in making new ones.

While they appeal mostly to girls, there are some male paper dolls available for boys. But boys usually don’t have the patience to tackle such things as pushing back a paper tab to put on a shirt. Boys can also be very rough on things made entirely out of paper.

The paper doll holds a timeless appeal for girls. This is one toy that is unlikely to fall by the wayside even in the age of technology. After all, a girl’s best friend is usually her doll.

(Photo: U.S. Geological Survey)

The 2oz bottles mean that there is more paint in each container than in the oval containers. This means more pictures made in paint for your child. The extra paint also means they have more leeway in creating versions of their own colors. You can also control how much paint is used by pouring it into a different container or onto a palate. If you have several children who want to paint at the same time, it is better to pour it into several smaller containers to prevent fights over the same color.

The main disadvantage to containing the paint in these bottles is that they can easily be tipped over. An accidental elbow or a misplaced bottle can cause a spill. But since the paint is washable, cleanup is fairly easy. However, the paint cannot be cleaned off of materials that are already painted. It may be difficult to get off of wood or other unfinished surfaces.

Use this paint in an area that can be easily cleaned. If you have carpeting, place  a mat underneath the table or paint area to prevent it from absorbing directly into carpet. Incidental spills on carpet should be cleaned up immediately while the paint is still wet. How well your carpet cleans up from a mess depends on the carpet.

The other point to mention is that this paint is intended for paper and is not meant to be face paint despite the fact that it is washable. Nor will it come out of all clothing. So have your kids wear old clothing when using this paint.

Kids under three probably should not use this type of paint unless it is under strict parental observation. It can get very messy and doesn’t really make that great a finger paint.

Older kids who love art will love this kind of paint. It also is good for things like painting the boards for science projects or creative art projects.

However, the lack of black paint is very limiting. Also, there are no paintbrushes.

It is best purchased when on sale or with a coupon.

First of all, you must determine what type of car you need.  Here I am only going to discuss sedans, crossovers, SUVs, and mini vans.  The car you need really depends on the size of the family.  With only one kid, a sedan or crossover works just fine.  With three or more kids, SUVs and mini vans tend to be the answer.  That leaves the average family with two kids as a tricky situation.  Personally, I would advocate for an SUV or mini van in this situation.  Why?  Well, a sedan doesn’t allow for more than one extra passenger.  The same is true for some crossovers.  The other crossovers (the ones with third rows) only seem to work.   Having ridden in the third row of a crossover before, I will tell you there is not much room back there.

Once you have narrowed down the categories you are looking into, it is time to determine which category is best for you.

• Sedan vs crossover:  Sedans and crossovers present excellent options for small families.  In this case, the differences between the two are more of a personal preference than family related matters.  Both are smaller and generally only have two rows of seats.  Sedans tend to have better gas mileage, but this isn’t necessarily true.  Also, crossovers may look big, but they aren’t.  I generally feel squished in them.  The only upside is the larger trunk (sometimes).
• SUV vs mini van:  This is actually the bigger comparison.  The most basic problem is the height.  Because SUVs are built on truck frames, they are much taller than mini vans.  This makes climbing in hard for small kids.  Also, this makes driving harder for some people.  At the same time, most SUVs can fit 8, unlike most mini vans’ seven.  Also, SUVs can tow better, have four wheel drive, and can handle more weight.  Finally, SUVs off-road better (if you go off-roading with the family).

In the end, finding a car for a family can be struggle.  Look into a vehicle that suits the family well and is equipped for your life style.  But, most importantly, make it something you like.