The number one (non-medical) job of a parent when a child is ill can be distilled into one word: comfort.  Comfort foot, comforting words, comfortable arrangements.

Comfort Food – We all have a favorite comfort food that we crave when we get sick.  I like noodles with butter.  My wife is partial to “Jewish penicillin,” aka chicken soup.  My son craves french fries.  Salt seems to be the common denominator for most of the common comfort foods out there (why is that?).  Whatever it is, you’ll need to have plenty on hand for flu season.

Comforting Words – Nothing is as soothing to a sick child as his mother’s voice cooing words of solace.  Dads need to get in on the act, too, although it doesn’t come quite so naturally to most of us.  It may not do anything to actually speed up the healing, but it certainly makes the convalescence period more bearable for everyone involved.

Comfortable Arrangements – If your child is going to be laid up in bed for a few days, they’ll need a comfortable set up.  Getting antsy and trying to get up and about too soon is the leading cause of relapse, according to statistics that I just made up but am sure are true.

Bear in mind these three Comforts next time your child is ill and you’ll be ready for the first steps on the road to recovery.

What was my take away from this experience of having a feisty child? My spirited child grew into an independent teen, one that I can be proud of.

Let me explain. Now that Elizabeth is 14, I have found that what made her seem difficult as a child is really an asset. She has proven herself to be a leader at school, and she has already started to look at college entrance requirements. Unlike other teens, she is in tune to her own wants and needs, making her resistant to negative peer pressure. Her feistiness as a child has translated into self-assurance as a teen.

If you are currently the parent of a feisty 6 – 10 year old, take heart. Your child will probably grow to be the independent thinker my daughter grew to be.

But…how can you handle the “feistiness” now? Below are a few suggestions on how to handle a spirited child – without squashing the very trait that makes him or her unique.

Giving your feisty child choices can diffuse potential confrontations. Take hair  for example. Elizabeth went through a phase where she wouldn’t let me do a thing with her long, fine hair…even brushing it was a battle. So I gave her a choice – long hair, and I would have to work on it every day for five minutes, or short hair, and we could just run a comb through it in the morning.

Another way to “work with” a feisty child is to avoid situations where you know that they will fail. For example, I used to moderate many community events. At one such event, a domestic violence vigil, Elizabeth decided to break away from my parents who were in the audience and join me on stage! She was cute, but I was mortified my child was trying to be entertaining at such a solemn event. Needless to say, Elizabeth didn’t attend any more of my events until she was able to control herself.

Finally, having an infinite amount of patience is needed to handle a feisty child. You have to be patient while they complete tasks, as they always want to do it themselves. You have to be patient with their rigid food choices, even if that means mac and cheese for lunch most days. Basically, you have to be patient with their wish to control every aspect of their lives.

You may be thinking by now that Elizabeth was a spoiled child; however, this was not the case. I didn’t give in to her every demand; I made sure that what she thought was best –- really was what was best for her!

We went because this year’s headliner is a band called Skillet which just so happens to be my son’s current favorite. Skillet put on an amazing show, complete with moving platforms, a spinning drum rig, and enough pyrotechnics to satisfy any 11 year old. But that was just the cap on an incredible six-hour extravaganza.

Admission to the show is an unbelievably low $10 at the door. The only way to buy advance tickets is to join the “Jam Nation”. For fifty bucks, you get early admission, a t-shirt, a lanyard, and a discount on tour merchandise. If you can swing the extra money, it is well worth it. While the main show started at 6:00, we entered the building at 3:30 and chose prime seats right by the stage. While the others were still waiting outside in the cold, we were enjoying an intimate Q&A session with some of the artists from the tour. Pre-Jam, featuring three of the lesser-known, up-and-coming acts from the tour, started at 5:00, just as the doors opened and thousands upon thousands of chilled fans poured into the arena.

WinterJam isn’t your parents’ Christian music. I’m sure chiropractors across the region are seeing extra patients with neck problems from all the head banging that went on. There was screaming and fire and hard rocking and all the good stuff that comes with a serious rock concert. But civility reigned in a way that is hard to imagine in a group of sixty thousand–plus people. Lines were orderly. Nary a four-letter word filled the air. Even the traffic leaving the arena proceeded in an abnormally polite and orderly fashion.

WinterJam is a wonder experience for kids and adults. I wouldn’t suggest bringing any children under age 10 or so because of the extreme volume of the music and the extended length of the day. The family behind us had two children in the 5-7 range and I’m certain both parents and children regretted it. But for a safe, fun, uplifting experience you would have a hard time finding a better bang for your ten bucks than WinterJam.

(U.S. Army photo — Korey Cooper of Skillet)

What we did to celebrate may sound boring to you, but to us, it was a time of joy and laughter, a time to rejoice in our love for each other.

You, too, can capture a child’s heart by establishing family rituals on New Year’s Eve. You don’t need to spend a lot of money to do it either.

When I became a parent, I wanted New Year’s Eve to be special for my children just like it was for me, and I think I accomplished my goal. Here are some ideas that elementary aged children will love to repeat year after year.

1. Party Hats/Decorations
Set aside your pride and don party hats for the occasion. You don’t even need to buy hats, as you can make them out of construction paper and glitter. Decorations can also be purchased or homemade; however, make sure to include signs with the 2012 on them. This helps young ones begin to comprehend numbers earlier!

2. Music
A New Year’s Eve party should include music. Whether you decide to blast a stereo, or you want to listen to a television broadcast, make the atmosphere festive with the inclusion of lively tunes.

3. Dancing
I know not everyone will love this idea, but your children will. Each year I made it a point to teach my kids dances. We did everything from “The Hustle,” to “The Stroll” to “The Twist.” One of the best times we had included learning how to dance at a school function. And no, my oldest son doesn’t like to dance today at the age of 20, yet he can appreciate dance for the art form that it is.

4. Snacks
New Year’s Eve parties become more special with the inclusion of special foods. My cousin and I loved eating our Norwegian grandmother’s homemade lefse, and my own kids still request my cocktail meatballs made with grape jelly! If your child has special diet restrictions, even presenting “normal” foods in fun ways, such as crinkle cut carrots, can amp up the fun.

5. Love
By this I mean make New Year’s a time for your family to be happy in the fact that you are together – that you all love each other. Sure, families all have stress, and there are fights, and sickness, but children need to know they are loved. Give hugs freely during the New Year’s Eve party – and make a promise to yourself you will keep giving them all year long.

My ten-year-old son is a fearless public speaker.  He’ll get up in front of a crowd, any crowd, and speak.  Or sing.  Or play his trumpet.  Or pretty much anything you ask him to do.  He’ll hop up on stage with precious little preparation, without the slightest sign of nerves.

So recently I set out to discover why, be it nature or nurture,  Max is so at ease on the stage.  His mother, my lovely wife, is a rambler.  Give her a microphone and she’ll go on well beyond the point she meant to make.  But she’s a tremendous singer who has spent a lot of time on stage.  I speak frequently, but I still get nervous in front of a crowd of more than about 25 or so.  Despite my nerves, I do find myself speaking in front of a crowd fairly often – occupational hazard.

After some reflection, I think I have decoded the accidental formula that led to his fortuitous speaking ability.  I share it here in hopes that it may help others more intentionally develop this trait in their children.

Step One: Do some public speaking of your own.  We all know that children learn a whole lot more from what they see us do than what we tell them to do.  Because I have to speak in front of crowds from time to time, Max sees it as just another part of adult life.

Step Two: Start them early.  Because of our work with youths, my lovely wife and I are often throwing together talent shows or promotional videos or assorted skits.  And we often find ourselves a character short.  So from an early age we’ve been drafting Max into one role or another in front of people.

Step Three: Offer plenty of encouragement.  This applies to just about anything that you want you children to learn.  Positive reinforcement is a huge deal to children.  You are his or her hero.  Your approval means more to a young child than all the accolades and toys and chocolate bars in the world.

Given the small sample size, I can’t offer much in the way of guaranteed results.  But if you follow these few steps you will surely improve your child’s chances of become a confident and skilled public speaker.

These directions can literally be lifesavers for elementary age children. For instance, a visit to the Grand Canyon would make any parent extra vigilant where his or her child is concerned. Too close to the edge and the consequences would be devastating. Yet, some parents take safety to an extreme, and end up inhibiting a child’s adventurous spirit.

I knew a boy who had been made fearful of life by his father. It wasn’t that his father didn’t love his child; he just restricted the boy’s movements so much – that in the end, he made his son afraid of almost everything. Because the child was so timid, he literally had to be taught how to walk with confidence, and even how to jump into the shallow end of a pool without having a panic attack. How heartbreaking that this child’s youthful exuberance for life had been squashed by a well-meaning parent.

As you might guess, there remains a murky area between being too safety conscious, and not being safety conscious enough. Unfortunately, many examples exist where parents choose to disregard safety altogether, leading to injury and even death.

So, what is a parent of an elementary-age child to do? How can you promote both physical and intellectual growth, while still making sure your child remains safe?

First, you must present a vision of the world as a secure, exciting place. In actuality, our world teems with wonders around every corner. Share this fact with your child to promote a general sense of well-being in your home. If you live your life in fear, your child will mimic your demeanor.

Next, give your child an opportunity to explore. Yes, this exploration may include a few bumps along the way, but making mistakes and learning from them should be an integral part of growing up. A child needs to run, to climb, to jump, to swim, to dance…even though he or she may end up with an injury.

As a child, I broke my nose after falling off my bike. I also pierced the bottom of my foot on a nail while digging through the rubble of an old farmhouse. Later, I injured my back while practicing cheerleading routines, and I had a fender-bender when first learning how to drive stick shift. Do I regret those incidents? I’ll admit; I could have done without the pain, yet those injuries all marked periods of growth – times when I was living life, and having fun!

Finally, offer praise when your child takes risks, such as learning a new skill. Each time you let your child know you feel proud of him or her for tackling something unfamiliar, increased confidence results.

In the case of the timid boy, I worked diligently to change his fearful mindset once I divorced his father. I am happy to report that he is now a man who travels the world on his own, a free spirit ready to tackle all the wonders life has to offer him.

One 5th grader recently told me that the reason he failed his math test was that his teacher got the wrong answer. When I worked the problem with him on a calculator to show him his error, he said that the calculator must be wrong! Children all try this strategy in one form or another at some point in their development: If it is someone else’s fault maybe I can avoid the responsibility.

While all kids are going to try this, some will learn early that it won’t work while others will continue pressing that button into adulthood. I was working with a young man recently on this very issue. His mother came to pick him up one day in an absolute lather because she’d gotten a ticket for making an illegal right on red. She didn’t dispute the facts, but was extremely angry with the police officer who issued the ticket. She said “He shouldn’t have given me a ticket; it was an honest mistake and I said I was sorry”. That put an end to the mystery of why the boy hadn’t outgrown the “it’s not my fault” defense mechanism. His mother was modeling that behavior in her life, so why wouldn’t he continue to try?

As parents and mentors, we need to be very careful about the messages we send. Children learn much more from what they see us do than what we tell them they should do. The world is full of victims who are beset by bad math teachers and irresponsible cops. We need to be bringing up a generation of leaders who will take responsibility for their actions and accept the consequences. In order to do that, we need to BE leaders who will take responsibility for our own actions and accept the consequences.

The only memories I have from my elementary school days are ones that I’ve reinforced since then by telling the story to others — and the ones in my memory book. Some people are able to record their memories in the form of a diary. I tried many times, but the attempts never amounted to much. Having to make a memory book as a school assignment was extremely useful.

Putting aside time to help your child make a memory book is probably one of the best decisions you can make. Even if your children show no interest in making one at first, keep pushing the idea (which is something I would never suggest for anything else); they will thank you later. If I had made a memory book on my own, the result would have been a stapled stack of flimsy papers, which would’ve  stuck together because of my poor gluing skills. Instead, because of the help of adult volunteers, I have a spiral-bound book with laminated pages, guaranteed to last a lifetime of use. Here are a few ideas for pages to include in a memory book:

• Timeline. Mine includes school photos from each year.
• Letters. Have them write to a friend, favorite teacher, or to you, their parents.
• If I Were in Charge of The World I Would …
• In 10 Years I Picture Myself …
• My Favorite Memory is When …
• Family Tree
• What I Like/What I Dislike
• Bio Poem

The memory book can also include a folder that contains small memorabilia. I love looking at my memory book. It’s fun to compare what I liked or disliked then to my current preferences. I truly enjoy reading the letter I wrote to my best friend at the time and seeing what she meant to me. I also get a kick out of seeing my first grade report card.

Working with your child to create a memory book can be a great bonding experience that will have a lasting, tangible result.

I know what you’re thinking – “Ron, it’s easy for you to say. You’re a talented writer with such an amazing gift for the written word.” No? You weren’t thinking anything like that? Well, this is awkward.

Anyway, there are two things that I’ve noticed about children’s books on the market. They’re not very long and, for the most part, they’re not very good. If your child enjoys listening to you read these off-the-shelf stories (you are reading to your child, right?) then think how much more they will love to hear you read your own story, with a main character who just so happens to be the same age and have the same name as your son or daughter.

A typical children’s picture book is only about 800 words. That’s only a little more than double the size of this short article. Every one of us has a story inside. It won’t take you very long to pour it out on paper if you just think about what your child enjoys and let the story flow.

Even if it’s awful, your child will love it. And want to expand on it. The first story is yours, but the sequel will be a collaboration. Writing a short story for your child will doubly be a bonding experience. First, your child will feel special and cherished because you made a story just for him or her. Next, you and your child will have a wonderful time working together on the next chapter.

As soon as I finished reading LexLightning to my son, Lex, he was abuzz with ideas for a follow up story. He invented new heroes, new adventures, and a new villain, The Guard of the Very Black Scary Night, who “has an axe that he can throw like a boomerang so it comes back to him but even if it doesn’t it doesn’t matter because he has a million of them.” Now that’s a villain. And that’s a memory that will last a lifetime.